Dr. Sleep - Hsu Yinling Solo Exhibition
睡眠博士－許尹齡個展
2014.06.07~07.13
睡眠博士－許尹齡個展
2014.06.07~07.13
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Dr. Sleep’s Fatigue and Hope
I’ve always approached art through various ways of shaping the world that we dwell in. With Dr. Sleep, the subject of sleeping disorder is used to tell the tale of our social environment. The artworks are treated as segments of bedside stories depicted on canvases, and the inspiration behind these stories is derived from different sleeping rituals (personal habits of sleep aid accumulated from an extensive period of time). “I never listen to you, and this is why I now need to listen to the voices of many people in order to fall asleep.” This is my very own sleeping ritual, and is also the origin of this series. I am an “actionaholic”, which differs from workaholic due to the lack of efficiency. I habitually sacrifice sleep because of the sense of satisfaction I get from repeated actions of painting and also from starting over. But you are different; you often unceremoniously tell me at midnight that you are a great dreamer, and there are so many things that you want to do but don’t know where to begin. This is the limit of my conversation with you, as I follow with the nonchalant reply of, “Just go do them.” Because of this, I have always matter-of-factly thought that your insomnia was due to the fact that you have not fully exhausted your physical strength, and hence, you were not sleepy. I wasn’t aware then that you had so many voices and signals inside your head that couldn’t be turned off, and more terrifyingly was that the accumulated sleep deprivation is comparable to racing with a turtle, with you thinking that you have surpassed him, but in fact, you’ve never even passed by each other. You were anxious about not finding the final destination and were also unable to return to the starting point, and had to resort to medication to conclude each day through external help. Several years later, I realized that “insomnia” should entail symptoms containing narratives and not assessments; it is not an illness, but rather, it is caused by the telling of an external story, with images full of sensory signals that couldn’t be turned off, such as the dripping sounds from the bathroom, the sounds of rocks clashing derived from the gas stove switch, humming sounds from the air conditioner, aroma of the bread, and any gestures that projected sounds…These inorganic sounds, information, and images infiltrating our everyday life have such an impact on the ultra sensitive you for everything happening around you, as you also feel the gestures of those around you. But you then become anxious, because you couldn’t recall their faces, and have come to realize that perhaps you are also unseen just like them. When the night falls, you endlessly recount the countless people that you will pass by tomorrow, with the never-ending sensory signals turned into forgotten fragments. However, perhaps within these fragments is an opportunity waiting for you to make a turnaround and stimulate some changes. The role of Dr. Sleep is fabricated by me, as I also hide behind this character. I am unable to diagnose you, but I could help you find a suitable sleeping ritual to shut off everything. I think we all need a shell of Dr. Sleep for us to hide inside and to listen and share with the people around us suffering from the same problem. The approach of bedside story resembles the state of hypnosis, as it is a charmingly sweet gesture used to occupy a portion of the person’s heart. Dr. Sleep and the sleeping ritual must simultaneously exist inside the heart in order for this to work, or perhaps, they have long been in our hearts, but we are often at loss with the courage to communicate. After a while, this situation imposes an immense sense of fatigue, and this feeling of exhaustion is a collective experience shared by everyone in the society. A civilized society does indeed possess such despotic power, as it fills our hearts with a twisted sense of security. Our society is constructed based on such weak links that go from the smallest personal states of mind extending outwards in concentric circles covering other interpersonal relationships and further reaching other social and national dispositions, as they appear inside each person under an image that is infinitely enlarged. Perhaps there is no exit, and perhaps you will begin to feel that it is increasingly more difficult for stories in this world to come to a happily-ever-after ending. Nevertheless, I believe as long as we try to face them, things will take on a different course. 睡眠博士的疲憊與希望 一直以來的創作都以不同的方式去塑造出我們所生存的世界，這次選擇借用 Dr. Sleep 睡眠博士的立場透過睡眠障礙的主題說出跟這個社會環境有關的故事， 我將這次的作品畫面設定為一段段發生在畫布上的床邊故事，這些故事的發想則是透過許多的睡眠儀式（長時間養成在睡前幫助入眠的個人習慣）演變而來。 「我從來都不聽你講話，所以現在我得靠聽許多人講話的聲音才睡的著。」 這是我自己的睡眠儀式也是我做這個系列的開端。 我是個動作狂，跟工作狂不一樣因為欠缺效率，我常常因為不斷重複與重來的繪畫動作感到滿足並放棄睡眠，而你不一樣，你常常半夜無所事事地跟我說你是大夢想家，有好多想做的事情但不知從何開始。這是我能與你對話的極限，然後我就會不經過大腦地回你“那就去做啊”，也因為如此，你的失眠症我一直理所當然地覺得是你根本沒有消耗體力所以睡不著，那時後的我不知道嚴重的睡眠障礙會讓人無法調整和重組人的情緒行為跟認知記憶， 也不知道原來你腦袋裡有這麼多關不掉的聲音跟訊號，更可怕的是睡眠障礙累積的速度就像是與烏龜賽跑，你以為會永遠超越他了，但其實你們根本沒有錯身交會的一瞬間，你焦慮於找不到終點也回不了起點，只能用藥物進行每一天的強制結束。 在那之後的好幾年我才認知到“失眠症”應該要是敘述性的症狀而不是診斷，它不是病，它只是說了一個關於外在的故事，就好像畫面中那許多關不掉的感官訊號：浴室裡水滴的聲音、扭開瓦斯爐造成的石頭相擊的聲音、空調運轉的轟隆聲、麵包的香氣、以及所有動作可能發出的聲響等等…這些構成日常生活的無機質聲音、資訊和影像，都能令細膩的你感覺到身旁發生的事件，也能感覺到旁人的每一個動作，但你卻焦慮於記不得他們的臉，然後就會意識到自己也是那樣全然地不被看見，到了夜晚便會無止盡地細數明天自己又會從多少人身邊經過呢，這些不停下來注視或聆聽的感官訊號，就會變成在下一秒就再也什麼都回想不起來的片斷，但也許在這些片斷裡會有這麼一個你可以扭轉它並且改變它的機會。 睡眠博士的角色因此被我虛構出來將自己躲藏進去，我沒辦法替你診斷但可以替你找到適合的睡眠儀式來關掉這一切。 我想我們都需要一個睡眠博士的外殼，躲在裡面去聽聽看去告訴你身邊也許也有同樣困難的人，用床邊故事的方式就像是一種類似催眠的狀態，以最甜蜜的姿態佔據他心裡面的一部份位置，睡眠博士與睡眠儀式它們必須同時存在於每個人的心裡面才得以成立，或是說它們早已在我們每個人的心中，只是我們常常失去嘗試溝通的勇氣，久而久之便成了一種巨大的疲憊，而這個疲憊也正好是社會上所有人共同擁有的經驗，而文明社會就是具有這種專制的力量，將這種扭曲的安全感填入我們的內心。 我們的社會就是以這樣微弱的連結建構出來的，從最小的個人心裡狀態，以同心圓的方式延伸到人與人之間的關係，再到社會國家的立場，都幾乎以一種無限放大的形象再現在每個人的心中，也許沒有出口，也許你會覺得怎麼這個世界的故事越來越難講到幸福快樂的結局。 但我相信試著去面對他們一切都會不一樣的。 |